I’m addicted to sugar.
That was my confession to my nutritionist and her sitting-in-on-the-session intern. I felt like it was an AA meeting. An SA meeting. I described my recent downfalls—my forays into the dark, cold, creamy underworlds of Ben & Jerry’s, Talenti, and Ciao Bella. Ice cream is like my cigarettes or cheap vodka. Cookies and cake are far behind.
I explained my spiral, how one bite triggers another, which is why a daily dessert as treat or reward, as regular routine, doesn’t work for me. I keep thing I can do it—buy a four pack of Ciao Bella Key Lime Pie flavor gelato squares sandwiched by graham cracker wafers. Eat one, like a normal person. You know, four individually wrapped, convenient and portion controlled servings.
Something happens. I abandon control. I go the fridge again. And again . And again until all four squares ate done and gone. I’m not sick of this taste—not yet. In fact it seems to the taste that draws me in the first place. Red Velvet cake? Key line pie? Snickers or Sea Salt Caramel? Each has had a starring role amid my taste buds.
“Make it an event,” suggested Kate. No more attempts TP bring sweets in the house. They are for *out* only, with others. Special occasion .
And yes, Kate thinks losing 50 pounds in five months is possible, if ambitious. She didn’t suggest another time frame, but she did say that my mandate to omit sugar for a full five months is unrealistic. A set up for failure.
“What about once a week?” she offered. Planned and event-worthy. No, once a week was too often, I thought. Too many opportunities for full on sugar triggers.
“Once a month then?”
To this, I agreed. Once a month. Pure indulgence. Planned and looked forward to. Or a reward for losing 10 pounds, which should average 10 pounds a month.
Everything else is good. Plateaus happen. I haven’t gain since my last visit. In fact I lost three pounds. But I know three pounds is a complete variable. Gone one day, back the next. I had a goal—I have one—so eyes on a particular number.
But important to break the larger goal into smaller, manageable steps.
At water aerobics tonight, I paid particular attention to my core, my spine and my breathing. Day four if being in the pool. Four days in a row. And on to five!
It’s a new year. New goals. New commitments and a little fill to help me with my portions and my perceived overrating. Next appointment: Thu Feb 7. Exactly new year surgery anniversary. Mere days away from day 1000.
Time to write a poem about looking forward to winter, to snowstorms and bright light that will be goals attained in the deep dark of February.
Lots like a different kind of birthday. When I can eat cake. Well, a small piece anyway. With a little scoop of ice cream on the side.
Yup, at some point there will be a poem titled A La Mode.